omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
