my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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