I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
