somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize