He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
