Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
