4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm going to jail i love you
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
