giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
