my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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