Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
