Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
