I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
