You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
