my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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