i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
false alarm. still invincible.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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