Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
