Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
