he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
