No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
