I smell stomach acid.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
