I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
