So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
