Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
