dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This baby is an asshole
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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