Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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