all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
