yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My cat gives me a boner
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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