I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
