Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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