i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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