great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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