grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
