Please, let me fuck your mom
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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