Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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