at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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