So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
