Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
