you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
