He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
