I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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