Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
