You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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