Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
