Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
