i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
