Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
