This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
