That's when you crack a 10am beer
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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