He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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