she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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