dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
