I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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