I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
