I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
