i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
