Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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