Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
