Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
