I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
