I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
