i love accidental penises.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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