So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
