you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
