Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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