It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
