matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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