Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
