You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
