Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
