Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
