I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
