So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
