so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
