You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize