Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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